


Achievement Unlocked:  (1NT3RPL4N3T4RY) s3x g4m3 too bomb!!!

by mahwaha



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Anal Sex, Body Modification, Equius is Uncomfortable: The Movie, F/F, Oral Sex, Porn-grade plot, Trans Character, Transformation, Weird Alien Allergies
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-01
Updated: 2014-07-01
Packaged: 2018-01-27 02:40:30
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 13,116
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1711961
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mahwaha/pseuds/mahwaha
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Latula’s phone buzzed, and when Aranea fetched it there was one message from Terezi:</p><p>"1 DONT N33D YOU OV3R 4NYMOR3, SO BUY M3 N3W ROP3 L4T3R"</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [fieryhuntress](https://archiveofourown.org/users/fieryhuntress/gifts).



gallowsCalibrator [TEREZI] started messaging gamingChampz [LATULA]  
TEREZI: L4TUL4  
LATULA: h3y s1s!!  
LATULA: wh4ts my r4d gurl up to tod4y?  
LATULA: w4nn4 h1t th3 sk4t3 p4rk w1th m3 4nd tun3z?  
TEREZI: NO, YOU C4N K33P YOUR TUN3S TO YOURS3LF TOD4Y  
TEREZI: 1 4M ON 4 M1SS1ON >:]  
LATULA: 4w st3ll4r!  
LATULA: 1 4m tot3s down for m1ss1on t4lk  
LATULA: wh4t k1nd of w1ld sh3n4n1g4ns 4r3 you pl4nn1ng t3r??  
LATULA: 4r3 you gonn4 tp th4t j4ck4ss from th4t p4rty f1n4lly?  
LATULA: dud3 w4s tot3s uncool  
LATULA: w31rd jugg4lo 4sshol3  
TEREZI: TH1S 1SNT 4BOUT TH4T CLOWN, NO  
TEREZI: TH1S 1S 4BOUT THOS3 NO1S3S TH4T 1V3 B33N T3LL1NG YOU 4BOUT  
TEREZI: 1 4M ON 4 M1SS1ON TO D1SCOV3R WH4T 1S M4K1NG TH3M  
TEREZI: 1 W1LL NOT B3 STOPP3D  
TEREZI: TH3 FOUL B34ST TH4T D4R3S TO LURK 1N MY SHRUBB3RY W1LL B3 SMOK3D OUT TOD4Y  
LATULA: w3ll h3y g3t 1t grrl!  
LATULA: 1s th3r3 4nyth1ng 1 c4n do to h3lp you g3t your just1c3 b4nn3r hung or wh4t?  
LATULA: g3t 4ll th4t l4w stud3nt cr3d 1n th3 str33ts?  
TEREZI: 4CTU4LLY, Y3S  
TEREZI: 1 4M 4W4R3 TH4T YOU W3R3 TH3 L4ST 4ND ONLY 1ND1V1DU4L TO BORROW MY NYLON ROP3  
TEREZI: 1 R3QU1R3 1T B4CK POSTH4ST3  
TEREZI: YOU C4N 4POLOG1Z3 TO ARANEA ON MY B3H4LF >;]  
LATULA: 4w sh1t t3zz13 1 tot3s forgot 4bout th4t!!  
LATULA: y34h w3 c4n drop 1t by on th3 w4y to th3 sk4t3 p4rk no probs  
LATULA: the gf w4s gonn4 t4k3 m3 out shopp1ng n-3-w4ys  
TEREZI: H3H3H3H3  
TEREZI: 3XC3LL3NT  
TEREZI: BR1NG 1T B3FOR3 THR33 4ND 1 W1LL FORG1V3 4NY DUB1OUS ST41NS  
LATULA: >Bo  
LATULA: you got 1t wh1z k1d  
gallowsCalibrator [TEREZI] ceased messaging gamingChampz [LATULA]

Latula didn’t have much time to make this work.

“C’mon, Araneapple pie,” she pleaded, wrapping her arms around Aranea’s waist. “We got ‘till like, two and some change before Looney Tunes gets here and we gotta take this back to Terz.”

Aranea looked down at Latula, lips pursed and eyes rolling. She cut a tall figure above Latula, who had dropped to her knees to press her face to Aranea’s stomach (do1ng b3gg1ng th3 r4d1c4l w4y, duh!). A little lower, and Latula would be nuzzling her crotch like a curious animal. Aranea was more than aware of Latula’s deliberation, beneath that overenthusiastic game grrl facade.

“Do you honestly expect me to to frog tie you and have my way with you right before you return this rope to your sister? And, I might add, the fact that your sister willingly lent you this rope for your own bedroom exploration really speaks to the relationship the two of you have cult-”

“Serketboard, please, please, please, please-”

“No, the two of you really _do_ have an odd sisterhood, and I-”

“Beserket, c’mon, at least pretend to consider-”

“If you would have waited, you would have known that I was about to say that I find it concerning, but we have time for me to restrain and have my way with you.”

“Plea—wait, really?” Latula put her pleading on pause, peering up at Aranea over her blocky red lenses and beaming. Aranea nodded, her smile small and colored with amusement. Latula’s grin, if at all possible, widened. “Hellz to the yes!”

“The safeword is-”

“‘Fatality, now go fetch the rope’. Right?” Latula laughed, watching Aranea’s brown face go ruddy before blatantly rubbing her mouth over the bulge in Aranea’s jeans. Aranea huffed, reaching down to card her fingers through Latula’s hair—dyed dark blue and streaked with teal, and more than a touch greasy. Her fingers clenched in it, careful not to pull as she pushed Latula’s mouth harder against the outline of her erection. Goodness knew that Latula knew what she was doing. Aranea had always been a sucker for enthusiastic begging.

“That’s right,” she said, removing Latula’s shades with her free hand. She took note of Latula’s hitched breathing, then felt her cock twitch in response. “Fetch the rope, strip, and wait for me on the bed.”

Latula rocketed upright, pumping her fist in the air with a hoot of glee.

“Don’t need to tell me twice, Sexy Librarian!” She was out in a flash, stomping towards their shared bedroom. Aranea took the courtesy of putting her girlfriend’s laptop into sleep mode and moving it from the couch to the coffee table, hearing Latula hum tunelessly a short hallway away. It made her self-proclaimed black heart give a little flutter, not that anyone could prove it. Latula had that kind of relentless charm, much like her relentless spanking ambidexterity. (Aranea had yet to experience it, firsthand, but she’d heard Things during her relationship with Porrim.)

Before heading for the bedroom, Aranea tucked herself into the bathroom. She ignored the pallid yellow wallpaper in favor of taking up her brush from the sink counter and straightening out her cropped black hair. She refreshed her lipstick, rubbed a sugary spruce of perfume onto her wrists and neck (more for her than Latula, because goodness knew that Latula didn’t understand subtlety), and clinically shed her jeans and fitted tee. Only once they were folded and arranged on the toilet tank did she head for Latula.

Their bedroom had the best of both worlds—cluttered and crammed on Latula’s favored half, and immaculate on Aranea’s own. Pages from “GamePro” peppered the wall behind the bed, where Latula sat back on her heels and grinned. Aranea took note of Latula’s palms, which were flat on her thighs. The rope, in its disciplined coil, rested before her knees.

“Good girl,” she said, smiling as she approached the bed. The sheer black lace of her lingerie drew Latula’s gaze, making the other woman lick her lips as Aranea reached back to unhook her bra. “Are you excited?”

Latula nodded, following the arc of Aranea’s bra as it flew to the floor. She didn’t give Latula another glance, instead choosing to take up the rope. It gave Latula free reign to stare, drinking in Aranea’s broad shoulders and paunched belly, and the taut swell of her breasts. Her dick was poking up out of those lacey bottoms, and fuck if it wasn’t so cute that Latula wanted to slobber all over it and then die. Actually, scratch that. She wanted to slobber all over it, die, respawn at her save point, and then show off her m4d skillz with the joystick. Classic gaming for the win!

As Aranea braced her knee on the bed to begin binding Latula’s ankle to her thigh, Latula could only stare. Aranea’s strong jaw was offset by the softness of her cheeks, and all Latula wanted was to plant kisses there in rows. Aranea had officially used Attract, and it was super effective. It was always super effective. It was so super effective that Latula hardly noticed when Aranea finished one leg and moved to the other, only snapping to to lean as she was directed.

“You are so hot. You are a Hot Historian,” she said, turning her head to nuzzle Aranea’s shoulder while Aranea took her wrist. Looks like that was getting rigged to her frog tie. Latula had zero complaints, especially when Aranea caught her eye with an unguarded smile.

“Even you have to admit, that was a weak attempt at a pet name.” Aranea moved to the other wrist, testing ties with her fingers and laying aside the excess rope. Terezi had done well for herself, in terms of materials. Aranea looked forward to replacing her old equipment.

“You are a hot Araneapple pie, fresh from the oven. I’d lick my finger and make it hiss on you, but. Hands.” Latula wiggled her fingers beside her thighs, grinning roguishly while Aranea chuckled. That grin faltered when she saw Aranea’s thumbs hook into the sides of her underwear, sliding them down her (hell4 plush) thighs and revealing what Latula lovingly dubbed, ‘the chick disco stick’. She made a point of wolf-whistling while her eyes dropped to admire it, and revelled in Aranea’s shy grin.

It never got old.

“I suppose you want a slice?” Aranea teased, tucking Latula’s hair behind her ears. She dropped a kiss on her girlfriend’s head, then caught her chin to lay another on the edge of her mouth. Latula retaliated with a wet kiss of her own, right on target. Blue smudges marked everywhere Aranea’s lips touched.

“Hellz naw. I want the whole pie!” Her eyebrows waggled with vigor. So much vigor. Perhaps too much vigor. Aranea nudged Latula’s thighs to prompt them to spread, then stroked over her vulva with light fingers. Latula’s nipples went stiff, skin prickling as she rolled her teeth over her lip.

“The whole pie?” Aranea leaned in, fingers sliding further down Latula’s labia as she nipped Latula’s lip. Latula pressed forward to kiss her, wrists straining at her sides as she hummed in agreement. This was hard mode, not being able to clutch Aranea to her. She was entirely at the mercy of Aranea’s whims, and the idea made her sigh appreciatively as Aranea slipped her tongue. No responsibility. That was right up Latula’s alley. It was why she skipped out on high school as soon as she could, then begrudgingly snagged her G.E.D. It was also why she worked at GameStop, because that shiz was so built-in that recommending games came like breathing.

Also, Aranea’s tongue was deft enough to pick Master locks in Oblivion. It probably did, in its spare time (which was a joke—Aranea’s tongue always had something to do. Usually talking). Her hands also knew their way around Latula’s dungeon map, because whew that girl went straight for the treasure chests. Her thighs squirmed as Aranea circled her clit with the pad of her finger. At this rate, she’d hit all of the warp rings and build a little fort out of Chaos Emeralds. Sonic would have to up the ante to catch up with them.

Aranea traced Latula’s teeth with the tip of her tongue, then dipped her fingers back down to wet them at her entrance. She stroked Latula’s folds lazily, meandering with firm touches that made Latula want to grind into her hand. Unfortunately, her hips couldn’t squirm down any further, and her legs had no leeway. That left Latula to groan into Aranea’s mouth, leaning forward greedily into the kiss in an attempt to earn more. Aranea wet her fingertips again, and all Latula felt was focused heat around the hard nub of her clitoris.

When Aranea pulled back to lick her lips, Latula shot her a sloppy smile. It was official. Her boner’s power level was at 1006.

“What would you like, Latula?” Aranea reached back to pull Latula’s head back by the hair, kissing a path from her jaw down her throat. Her teeth grazed Latula’s shoulder as she reached it, a finger slipping from her clit to tease her entrance.

Did Latula say 1006? The scouter was upside-down. Her boner’s power level was over 9000, because Aranea was getting vajazzy with it.

“The d. Definitely the d.” Latula had been spending way too much time with Mituna (re: kindergarten to the present). Aranea paused sucking a mark into Latula’s neck, but pressed her finger into the slick heat of Latula’s vagina. Latula groaned as Aranea’s thumb ground into her clit, finger sliding in and out of her body at an easy pace. Slow.

“Excuse me? Do you honestly want a letter-”

“Ugh, c’ _mon_ Arainy Cakes,” Latula whined, bumping her forehead against Aranea’s shoulder, “gimme that chick disco stick! Take me to the candy shop! Let me suck your _dick_!” She gave Aranea’s shoulder a soft bite as Aranea fell into silence, then began to laugh.

“If you insist.” Aranea leaned back to kiss Latula’s cheek, cupping her girlfriend’s face with one hand as she came up on her knees and licked her finger clean. She scooted back, eyes on Latula’s eager smile as she leaned forward to lay a sloppy lick on the tip of Aranea’s erection. The force made it bob as a hum curled in Aranea’s throat, settling into a stretched sound of pleasure as she held the base of her shaft and let Latula’s lips latch onto the head. Aranea’s hips twitched forward, cock pulsing once as Latula sucked and dragged her tongue along Aranea’s shaft, head bobbing.

Aranea kept what Latula couldn’t fit in hand, stroking herself as her teeth pinched her lower lip. Then, Latula began to hum. 

It should be noted that Aranea was no gamer. Not in the traditional sense, at least. No, Aranea kept her ‘gaming prowess’ to DMing for her weekly D&D group. However, after two years of dating Latula, even Aranea could identify the tune of the Super Mario Bros. Official Theme Song. There was no denying the rhythm to those vibrations around Aranea’s dick. The notes. The way that Latula’s eyes curved like knowing, nerdy little smiles, when Aranea looked down at her.

“You are ridiculous,” Aranea groaned, and squeezed her eyes shut as Latula took her deeper. Her humming changed, and luckily, Aranea was less familiar with the soundtrack of the Pokémon series. Latula knew the game soundtracks as well as she knew Aranea’s body—both required strenuous hours of study. Or playing. Mostly playing. But it was more than enough to say that Latula toyed with Aranea’s frenulum with full awareness of what she was doing.

Aranea’s breathing went ragged, toes curling behind her as she pumped with more urgency. Latula inwardly fist pumped as she went in for the t1m3 tr14l, because she balled too hard when her game got strong. (Her game was always strong, just like her tongue action and her suction, and her chances for developing carpal tunnel.) Saliva slipped from the corner of her mouth as Latula put on her game face, aiming for the ultimate headshot. Aranea’s moans crowded closer together, feeding into Latula’s ears like achievements.

  
[](http://imgur.com/7XYDdSv)

  
Aranea gripped Latula’s hair, hips canting as she panted for breath.

  
[](http://imgur.com/phSdKKO)

“Latula, I’m-”

  
[](http://imgur.com/MuY139J)

  
Aranea’s muscles seized as she gasped, still tugging at the base of her shaft while Latula’s throat flexed with her swallow. She pulled off with a wet sound, licking her grin. Aranea helped her upright with tender touches, reaching across the bed to fetch a tissue. Latula’s stereotypical teen boy tendencies were convenient, when she wasn’t leaving crusty socks out for Aranea to step on.

“Did I rock your world, or did I rock your world?” Latula asked, letting Aranea clear her lips and chin of spit.

“That was a lovely blow job,” Aranea said, smiling softly. The tissue landed in the bedside bin when she threw it, taking a moment to check Latula’s hands and legs. “Do you want to remain bound while I return the favor, or-”

“TUL1P Y0U R34DY 70 R1D3?” The sound of Mituna Captor’s hollering completely subsumed the swish of the front door. It also brought Aranea’s mouth to a firm line, and shot Latula with enthusiasm.

“Y34H, L3T M3 G3T ROP3 OFF 4ND CLOTH3S ON TUN3S!” She turned an apologetic smile to Aranea, chuckling under her breath at Mituna’s cackling. “Sorry, Ray of Sunshine. Can I take a rain check on that o-face? I told him around two, and,” Latula paused, glancing to the digital clock on the nightstand, “it’s two. Dayum, girl.”

Aranea had already set on the knotwork, sighing.

“Of course. It’s your orgasm; who am I to dictate when you have it? I don’t mind having Mituna burst in at any given moment, at all. That’s why I agreed to give him our spare key after you consulted with me, isn’t it?” With one hand free, Latula caught Aranea’s chin to tilt her head up. 

“Hey, no, uncool. I’m sorry, Ray. Real sorry.” Latula frowned, leaning toward Aranea to brush their noses. “Looney Tunes needs me. We’re best bros, and I gotta be there for him.”

Aranea huffed, freeing Latula’s leg without having to eye the rope. She turned her head as she set to Latula’s opposite side, escaping her girlfriend’s hand.

“I wish you would consider my feelings.”

“I consider your feels on the daily, Aranea. I haven’t seen Tunes all week because I wanted to do us time.” Latula ducked her head to try and keep Aranea’s gaze. Concerned creases made home between her brows, and Aranea’s shoulders slumped as she rid Latula of the rope. She hesitated before leaning up to lay a kiss to Latula’s lips.

“Maybe you could talk to him about calling before he comes over?” Aranea’s hands rested on Latula’s thighs, testing the skin for rope impressions. There was nothing concerning, even though she was a touch rusty with her restrictions. “It’s always so stressful when he arrives and I have no warning, and-”

“You got it, Ray-Ray. We can seal the deal with make up anal, when I get back.”

“Thank you, Latula.” Aranea smiled, relief softening the lines in her face as Latula slapped a wet kiss to her cheek.

“Anytime, babe.” Latula gathered up the rope as she slid off the bed, picking through the clothes on the floor. “Two seconds, Tuna!”

Latula’s phone buzzed, and when Aranea fetched it there was one message from Terezi:

"1 DONT N33D YOU OV3R 4NYMOR3, SO BUY M3 N3W ROP3 L4T3R" 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You should hover over those achievements.


	2. Chapter 2

Her plan was coming along nicely, all things considered. That was because Terezi considered all things. For the past two nights straight, her bushes had been disturbed with clicking, keening, and all sorts of vocal tomfoolery. They weren’t avian sounds, or anything that Terezi had heard, before. Perhaps it would have been less suspicious, if she hadn’t lived in this town for all of her twenty four years of life.

Even with a popular school for law and a community college in the near vicinity, no drunkard would be so persistent as to frequent her yard for two nights in a row. Additionally, her dog—a feisty Pomeranian that she had named Crabsnack Vantas Jr., after her ex-boyfriend—had never shown signs of alarm. Everything annoyed her loyal hound. He had earned his title, like any highly irritable pooch should. Considering the common film tropes that Dave had alerted her to in horror movies, Crabsnack’s lack of warning disturbed her greatly. But more so than that, it intrigued her.

Whatever was out there would rue the day that it intrigued Terezi Pyrope: student of law, vigilante private investigator, and stand-in cool kid. Those were her thoughts, anyway, as she packed up her laptop and swept her bangs from her face. Even though she still had hours of rigorous book-hitting left to do, home beckoned. So, shouldering her backpack, Terezi took up her cane and tapped her way there: a two bedroom apartment that she shared with Dave. He’d left her last week to visit his “platonic life partner,” and wouldn’t return until late Friday.

Therefore, she did not expect to find a guest when she made her way inside. Especially not an enormous gray humanoid. Two fat, candy corn horns nearly grazed the popcorn ceiling, and a swathe of blue snapped behind its legs. Even with her chunky glasses on, Terezi could only discern colors and shapes; she wasn’t close enough for the fine details. She could hear, though, and the human-shaped mass had breathing that sounded like a marble in a can of spray paint.

Her company had a better grasp of the situation.

Nepeta Leijon, third largest oliveblood of Alternia and current belt-holder of the Bruise Bowl, came to Earth on a mission. She was a terrestrial tracker, an interplanetary predator, and a lethal troll who could tear the throats out of a whole gang of hunterrorists without breaking a sweat. However, one drink of Earth water from a creek had her fever-flushed and vomiting. Nepeta had heard >:33 < super sexy rumors about Earth. None of them included a disclaimer about the water. Not a one.

For the past two nights straight, Nepeta’s body violently expelled _everything_ in this human’s bushes. 

“Who are you?” The aforementioned human asked. Her hair curled around her face in faded pink waves, and Nepeta hunched down to take in the curious slant of her eyes behind those red frames. She was the color of brownblood grub cakes and loose sand, and built like a pudding cup. Nepeta could incapacitate her within the passing of a second, even while dehydrated and recovering from the embodiment of misery. Instead, she sank down to sit cross-legged on the floor. Her tail curled behind her—a gift from her moirail, after she’d lost her flesh and blood tail in battle—and hoped her breath didn’t smell too sour. 

“Nepeta.” She rested her hands on her knees as Terezi approached, tail thumping the floor as Terezi prodded her in the chest with her cane. “Who are you?” 

Terezi prodded her with a bit more panache, but a  :pp < t33ny w33nie cane tip could hardly punch through her tough skin and hard musculature. The cane dropped to her abdomen, encountering the same unforgiving solidity. The thighs were unquestionably sculpted, from this distance; Terezi saw how the fabric of her cargo pants clung. Assuming that this creature was, indeed, a ‘her’. Finally, Terezi harrumphed, a sound that raspberried past her lips. 

“I am your judge. You have broken into my home. Give me one reason why I shouldn’t call F.B.I. Agents Fox Mulder and Dana Scully.” Brandishing her cane high, Terezi tapped the outside edge of one of the delectably-colored horns. The clack reminded her of lacquered wood, before Nepeta reached up to bat the cane away. Again, her tail thumped the floor before twitching towards her thigh. 

“Agents Fawkes Mulder and Danaah Scully? I’ve seen _A Series of Cases in which Skeptical Jadeblood Danaah Scully Engages in Pale Back and Forth with Paranormal Enthusiast Yellowblood Fawkes Mulder That Ends Up Becoming Red, Pivoting on Unusual Happenings Often Involving Aliens_.” Nepeta rolled her eyes, then swatted Terezi’s cane back down as it drifted toward her opposite horn. “If you aren’t going to tell me your name, can you at least share some non-contaminated water with me? I’ve been throwing up for two ni-” 

“So you admit that you’ve been skulking in my shrubs!” Terezi jabbed, indeed jabbing her cane into Nepeta’s chest. The telltale thump of her tail resounded across the floor, heavy and hard. Synthetic, or alien? Further investigation would be required. Her alien guest groaned, gripping the end of her cane and holding it in place. 

“Would you stop?” Nepeta decided that the human principle of compassion was convoluted, with this individual and her affinity for prodding. She was right on the lip of a hissy fit, because she was tired and thirsty and hadn’t had much time to explore, before company had returned. “Yeah, I’ve been in your lawnring. I was sick!” 

If anything, Nepeta wanted to know why this human took her arrival so nonchalantly. The aggression was understandable—this was likely a human display of territorial assertion, and Nepeta understood those mechanics. Her body wasn’t going to hydrate itself, though. Nepeta needed a native of the planet. She’d been too proud to take the Earth travel brochure from the vacation planner, somewhere around the edge of the Milky Way. (But she did take the time to key the Helmsman in about the cute ceruleanblood who’d wanted to kiss him, then bite him, and then kiss him again.) 

Terezi tugged her cane from Nepeta’s grip, frowning. 

“Fine. I will fetch your water on the condition of complete respect of my authority. This is my apartment, and you-” 

“Okay, okay,” Nepeta sighed, laying back on the floor. Her legs unwound from their criss-cross, feet bracing on the floor as she pillowed her head in her hands. She didn’t move when Terezi gave her knee a light whap, in reprimand. 

“My name is Terezi. You’d do well to remember it.” Terezi took her cane with her on the way to the cramped kitchenette, more for slapping capabilities than needing it to get around. This was, after all, _her_ apartment. She made sure to let the tap run slow while she nabbed a glass to fill, resting her cane against the counter so she could pull her phone from her pocket. Latula couldn’t come over, not when there was a Nepeta in her apartment.

”1 DONT N33D YOU OV3R 4NYMOR3, SO BUY M3 N3W ROP3 L4T3R”

One problem down. That left this alien’s appearance, because Terezi did not doubt Nepeta’s alienness. It was familiar. Too familiar.

When Terezi returned to the living room, she found Nepeta sprawled across the floor. At her height—G4RG4NTU4N—the image was impressive. Terezi stepped over Nepeta’s legs and stooped to offer the glass of water, holding her ground as Nepeta sat up to receive it. 

“Thanks.” Nepeta grinned, a chirp whistling through her throat as she took the glass into her blocky hand. She brushed fingers with Terezi, delighting in the softness of human skin before immediately chugging the water down. If it were contaminated, Nepeta would enact revenge by throwing up on the carpet. 

“You can refill that yourself,” Terezi said, making her way to the couch. She shed her backpack on the cushions, sliding her laptop from its cluttered depths and fishing the cord free to stab into a nearby socket. Nepeta watched her from the floor like a large, disbelieving dog. 

“Does that mean I can stay?” She tilted her head, staring as Terezi sank into the broken-down cushions. Her husktop dwarfed her lap, enormous and chunky gray. 

“If you agree to behave and leave my Twizzlers alone, yes. For now.” 

“Deal!” Nepeta didn’t know what a Twizzler was, but it sounded like something she’d stick her bulge in. She stood slowly, watching Terezi for any negative cues before wandering towards the kitchen. Terezi tracked her shape before fishing her headphones from her backpack to slip them on. She had someone to heckle for CLU3S. 

gallowsCalibrator [TEREZI] started messaging twinArmageddons [SOLLUX]  
TEREZI: 1 C4LL SOLLUX C4PTOR TO TH3 ST4ND  
SOLLUX: iif ii wanted two role play ii’d do iit iin teenchat wiith an of age hottiie or 2ome a22hat wiith photo2hop 2kiill2 who made a beliiever out of me.  
SOLLUX: al2o ii’m not hackiing iinto any computer2 for you ii almo2t got 2hiit on my record for that la2t tiime and iit ii2n’t fuckiing worth iit.  
TEREZI: C4LM YOUR T1TS B3FOR3 TH3Y T4K3 FL1GHT 4ND D3T4CH FROM YOUR CH3ST  
SOLLUX: yeah well maybe ii’m tiired of haviing them ever thiink of that?  
SOLLUX: maybe ii want two giive my enormou2 rack to the fiir2t biidder.  
SOLLUX: you try biindiing the2e bowliing ball2 and then tell me two calm my tiit2.  
TEREZI: OH R1GHT  
TEREZI: OOPS  
TEREZI: MR 4PPL3B3RRY BL4ST 1S 1N 4 SOUR MOOD  
SOLLUX: ye2, apologiize and then whiip around to poke at my mood.  
SOLLUX: great friiend, a plu2.  
TEREZI: 1M SORRY SOLLUX  
TEREZI: 1 4M H4V1NG QU1T3 TH3 D4Y  
SOLLUX: wow, there'2 2omethiing ii could never, ever empathiize wiith.

Nepeta found Terezi frowning, upon her return. Rather than comment, she settled into the armchair across from the couch and worked on her second glass. Terezi’s eyes flickered toward her movement, but ultimately returned to the screen. 

TEREZI: LOOK GRUMPY GUS 1 N33D YOUR H3LP  
TEREZI: 1 4M SORRY TH4T YOU 4R3 H4V1NG 4 SH1TTY D4Y BUT SOM3ON3 H4S 4PP34R3D 1N MY 4P4RTM3NT UN4NNOUNC3D  
SOLLUX: waiit, what?  
SOLLUX: who ii2 iit? are you okay?  
TEREZI: Y3S 1 4M F1N3  
TEREZI: H3R N4M3 1S N3P3T4  
TEREZI: DO YOU R3M3MB3R THOS3 DR34MS YOU M3NT1ON3D TO M3? >:?  
SOLLUX: who iin fre2h hell ii2 nepeta?  
TEREZI: 1LL T3LL YOU 1N 4 M1NUT3 NOW T3LL M3 4BOUT TH3 GR4Y P3OPL3  
SOLLUX: je2u2 fuckiing chrii2t on a cracker, tz.  
SOLLUX: you had better not be pulliing 2hiit on me.  
TEREZI: TH1S 1S NO SH1T, 1 PROM1S3  
SOLLUX: alriight.  
SOLLUX: uh 2o, what do you want two know about them?  
TEREZI: WH4T3V3R YOU R3M3MB3R W1LL B3 US3FUL TO M3  
SOLLUX: way two be vague.  
SOLLUX: anyway.  
SOLLUX: they're huge and gray wiith the2e weiird horn2 that look liike candy. liike candy corn, but iin diifferent 2hape2.  
SOLLUX: ii have a lot of dream2 where they come two earth and fuck 2hiit up. major 2hiit fuckiing.  
SOLLUX: we are talkiing liike the lovechiild of godziilla, war of the world2, and ba2iically every iinva2iion moviie you've ever 2een.  
SOLLUX: uh, they bleed raiinbow2?  
SOLLUX: why ii2 thii2 even iimportant?

The sound of clicking claws and jangling tags made Terezi and Nepeta both turn their heads towards the hall, where a black puffball sauntered in. Terezi gave the couch a pat in invitation, though the ornery asshole didn’t move. Nepeta giggled. 

TEREZI: N3P3T4 H4PP3NS TO B3 HUG3 4ND GR4Y W1TH W31RD HORNS TH4T LOOK L1K3 C4NDY CORN  
TEREZI: SH3 THR3W UP 1N MY Y4RD FOR TWO N1GHTS 1N 4 ROW  
TEREZI: TH4TS 4LL OF TH3 SH1T FUCK1NG TH4T SH3 H4S 3NG4G3D 1N  
TEREZI: MOSTLY 1T LOOKS L1K3 SH3S D3HYDR4T3D 4ND L1K3S TO CURL UP ON MY FLOOR  
TEREZI: 4CTU4LLY 1 DONT 3V3N KNOW HOW SH3 GOT 1NS1D3  
TEREZI: BUT CR4BSN4CK H4SNT 3V3R B4RK3D 4BOUT 1T, 4ND YOU KNOW HOW H3 LOV3S TO B4RK  
TEREZI: H3 JUST C4M3 1N 4ND H4SNT 3V3N 1N1T14T3D 4NKL3 B1T1NG  
SOLLUX: piic2 or iit diidn't happen.  
TEREZI: UGH F1N3  
TEREZI: TH3R3  
SOLLUX: where?  
TEREZI: CH3CK YOUR PHON3, D1NGUS  
TEREZI: 1 C4NT SN34K1LY US3 MY W3BC4M  
SOLLUX: holy 2hiit.  
TEREZI: 1 KNOW  
SOLLUX: 2he ii2 fuckiing riipped!  
SOLLUX: je2u2 fuckiing chrii2t, tz!  
SOLLUX: what the hell are you goiing two do?  
SOLLUX: fuck.  
SOLLUX: FUCK.  
TEREZI: SOLLUX C4LM DOWN  
SOLLUX: you're a2kiing me two calm down after 2howiing me a piicture of an aliien from a race that ii have had dream2 about for how long?  
SOLLUX: diid ii mentiion that the2e gray aliien2 alway2 kiill human2, tz?  
SOLLUX: or diid that not make iit pa2t your thiick viigiilante complex?  
TEREZI: 1 W1LL PROC33D W1TH C4UT1ON  
TEREZI: BUT P3RH4PS YOU SHOULD CONS1D3R MY N3XT P13C3 OF V1SU4L 3V1D3NC3  
TEREZI: 1 PR3S3NT 3XH1B1T B  
SOLLUX: tz a piicture of your 2tupiid dog ii2n't goiing two conviince me that thii2 aliien ii2n't goiing two de2troy earth.  
TEREZI: 1T 1S TOO 34RLY TO S4Y  
TEREZI: BUT CR4BSN4CK V4NT4S JR WOULD N3V3R L3T 4N 4SSHOL3 TOUCH H1M, MUCH L3SS HOLD H1M  
TEREZI: OR DO YOU NOT R3M3MB3R TH3 L4ST T1M3 YOU TR13D? >:]  
SOLLUX: your dog ii2 a dog tz, not a prophet.  
SOLLUX: actually, your dog ii2 an a22hole.  
SOLLUX: ii hate your dog.  
TEREZI: BUT YOU 4R3 SUCH GOOD FR13NDS!  


“Who are you talking to?” Nepeta asked. Crabsnack laid across her lap, a dust bunny with his belly exposed for rubs. He growled when Nepeta paused her petting. Terezi paused her snickering to glance up, popping one earphone off. 

“I am talking to a powerful ally,” she lied. Well, half-truthed. All of Sollux’s strength came from hefting around enormous boobies and an equally enormous amount of grumpiness. “He’s a crusty butthole, but we take care of each other.” Terezi grinned, wide with amusement, and chuckled behind her computer screen. 

“Are you meowrails?” Nepeta straightened in the chair, eyes widening. Crabsnack growled again, and her stilled hand returned to rubbing his tiny chest. Her eyes, however, stuck to Terezi. 

“Are we what?” Terezi asked. >:? “Is that an alien cat thing? Do you even have cats?” Her face scrunched in thought. Nepeta scooped Crabsnack up to join Terezi at the couch, landing heavily and making the springs groan.

Nepeta was going to schoolfeed Terezi :33 < so fricking hard on troll romance.

SOLLUX: yeah riight.  
SOLLUX: and ii'm the next mii22 ameriica.  
SOLLUX: oh waiit, my potentiial for beauty queen ii2 ruiined becau2e the earth ii2 goiing two be conquered and or de2troyed. probably both.  
SOLLUX: you know what el2e ii2 goiing two blow up iin our face2?  
SOLLUX: or your face, 2peciifiically?  
SOLLUX: harboriing a fuckiing aliien.  
SOLLUX: iit'2 goiing two eat your awful dog, and then iit'2 goiing two come after you.  
SOLLUX: we are talkiing wiicked wiitch of the we2t level2 of eviil biitch, here.  
SOLLUX: tz, are you lii2teniing?  
SOLLUX: 2he ii2 goiing two cru2h you under your own apartment.  
SOLLUX: you're goiing two be nothiing but a paiir of 2hoe2, becau2e joke'2 on you for layiing out the red carpet for iinvader2.  
SOLLUX: fuck, we are 2o FUCKED, tz.  
SOLLUX: ii can't deciide iif iit'2 even worth 2tiickiing around for.  
SOLLUX: way two take an enormou2ly 2hiitty day and make iit even wor2e.  
SOLLUX: god, ii'm 2orry tz.  
SOLLUX: ii gue22 thii2 ii2n't a good tiime for biitchiing about you.  
SOLLUX: ii 2hould probably be telliing you how much you mean two me and wriitiing letter2 two the lo2er2 who don't liive here, anymore.  
SOLLUX: actually, fuck that. emaiil2.  
SOLLUX: no, fuck that two. iin2tant me22agiing ii2 the only worthwhiile form of communiicatiion.  
TEREZI: 4PP4R3NTLY N3P3T4 1S 4 TROLL  
SOLLUX: what?  
TEREZI: Y3S >:]  
TEREZI: 4ND 4CCORD1NG TO H3R 4L13N CULTUR3 W3 4R3 MO1R41LS  
TEREZI: B3C4US3 1 K33P YOU FROM B31NG 4 HORR1BL3 P1SS B4BY  
TEREZI: 4ND YOU K33P MY TH1CK V1G1L4NT3 COMPL3X 1N CH3CK  
TEREZI: H3H3H3H3  
SOLLUX: one, you don't keep me from beiing a pii22 baby. ii am alway2 a pii22 baby.  
SOLLUX: two, iit ii2 liiterally iimpo22iible for you two lii2ten two anyone but your2elf. 2o there'2 that liittle detaiil.  
SOLLUX: 2top talkiing two the goddamn aliien, tz. you're goiing two get attached.  
TEREZI: TROLLS H4V3 FOUR D1FF3R3NT TYP3S OF ROM4NC3 C4LL3D QU4DR4NTS  
SOLLUX: tz.  
TEREZI: MOR4LL3G14NC3 1S 4 P4L3 QU4DR4NT  
TEREZI: 4LSO, N3P3T4 S4YS H3LLO  
SOLLUX: tz, ii don't care even a liittle biit.  
SOLLUX: ii don't want two talk two the aliien.  
SOLLUX: or hear about moral2 or quadrant2 or any of that noii2e.  
TEREZI: W3 SHOULD JUST DO 4 V1D3O C4LL  
TEREZI: 1 NORM4LLY DONT C4R3 4BOUT ROM4NC3, BUT 4L13N ROM4NC3 1S NOT TH3 NORM  
TEREZI: YOU SHOULD H34R TH1S  
TEREZI: 1 B3T YOU WOULD L1K3 K1SM3SS1TUD3  
SOLLUX: no.  
SOLLUX: are you even readiing what ii'm 2ayiing?  
TEREZI: NOP3  
TEREZI: 3XC3PT FOR JUST NOW  
TEREZI: >;]  
SOLLUX: yeah, 2ee, monoraiil2 my a22.  
TEREZI: MO1R41LS  
SOLLUX: that'2 what ii 2aiid.  
TEREZI: 4LSO, SOLLUX  
SOLLUX: ii know what you're about to 2ay. don't even 2ay iit, tz.  
TEREZI: 1TS 4WFULLY FUNNY  
SOLLUX: no.  
SOLLUX: no, iit'2 not.  
SOLLUX: don't.  
TEREZI: TH4T YOU WOULD COMM3NT ON WH4T 1 S33  
SOLLUX: ugh, goddamniit.  
SOLLUX: 2hut up, tz.  
TEREZI: B3C4US3  
SOLLUX: now you're ju2t 2paciing thii2 out two be a jacka22.  
TEREZI: 1M L3G4LLY BL1ND!  
SOLLUX: 2hoot me.  
TEREZI: H3H3H3H3  
TEREZI: 4NYW4Y, MR 4PPL3B3RRY BL4ST  
TEREZI: 1F YOU DONT W4NT TO DO 4 V1D3O C4LL W1TH D34R, SW33T N3P3T4 4ND 1  
TEREZI: P3RH4PS YOU WOULD B3 4M3N4BL3 TO 4 SL33POV3R, TON1GHT  
SOLLUX: why would ii ever want to have a 2leepover wiith you and an aliien?  
SOLLUX: ii don't liike haviing 2leepover2 wiith you, a2 iit 2tand2.  
SOLLUX: ii don't liike 2leepover2, periiod.  
TEREZI: SO C4N 1 3XP3CT YOU 4T S3V3N?  
SOLLUX: ii'm briingiing a ba2eball bat.  
TEREZI: YOU SHOULD 4LSO BR1NG POPCORN, B3C4US3 1 4M OUT  
SOLLUX: and nepeta ii2n't allowed to touch me.  
TEREZI: 4WW, YOU DO KNOW H3R N4M3 4FT3R 4LL!  
TEREZI: 1 KN3W YOUR 1N3XH4UST1BL3 CUR1OS1TY FOR X F1L3S WOULD W1N OUT OV3R TH3 R34L1TY OF D4NG3R  
SOLLUX: fuck you two.  
SOLLUX: 2ee you at 2even, though.  
TEREZI: GOODBY3 FOR NOW >:]  
gallowsCalibrator [TEREZI] ceased messaging twinArmageddons [SOLLUX]  


“He sounded grumpy,” Nepeta said, peering at Terezi’s zoomed-in screen. With Crabsnack’s disappearance through the course of her energetic lecture, she had an empty lap and idle hands.

“He _is_ grumpy,” Terezi confirmed, “but he’s a good friend.” She snapped her laptop shut, shedding her headphones to set both to the side. “And we have a date with him, tonight. Do trolls have sleepovers?” 

“Duh!” Nepeta huffed with laughter, rolling her eyes. Sleepovers were a universal constant. Everyone in educated circles of the universe knew _that_.

“Then you can help me drag blankets and pillows out here. And move the coffee table.” Terezi lifted her hand, and Nepeta’s nose scrunched in distaste before the human laid it upon the tough skin of her arm. No sass or malice bled into the brief touch, which left as soon as it came. “Come on. If I’m letting you stay, you may as well earn your keep. Lifting things and telling me about your culture will suffice.”

Nepeta blinked at Terezi’s back as she stood, heading down the hall without a backwards glance. A crooked smile stretched over her mouth.

“Coming,” she called, and hurried up after her new host. Earth. She didn’t need a travel brochure, after all.


	3. Chapter 3

Sollux had a frown that stretched into the upcoming year, and no qualms with pushing past Terezi to let himself in. He did, indeed, bring his bat. Terezi rolled her eyes as she shut the door behind him, then followed him to the living room.

“Holy shit,” Sollux said, and Terezi pushed him forward when he stopped on the spot.

“Don’t be a baby. She only bites when I issue the command.” Grinning, Terezi flopped down on the nest of pillows and blankets. She showed no hesitation when she leaned against Nepeta, who had stretched out on her belly to peruse Terezi’s laptop. Terezi had called it 4SS1M1L4T1ON, ST3P ON3, and Nepeta didn’t mind learning. Plus, GreatVines on Tumblr pleased her nearly as much as the plethora of cat videos that she’d convinced Terezi that she :33 < absomewtly n33ded to s33!

“I’m domesticated,” Nepeta said, and giggled when she looked up at Sollux. “Oh, wow. Your species have rumblespheres on efurryone, too?” She decided that Sollux also looked a bit like a pudding cup, but more towards the range of ‘tea pot without a spout’ or ‘squat little sugar bowl with cats on it, if all of the cats are grumpy’. He rolled his eyes and threw his bag down on the couch, but kept the bat dangling from his hand.

“Right,” he said, deadpan. “Let’s get this shitshow over with.” He couldn’t tear his eyes off of Nepeta, who watched him back. Terezi snickered and slapped the pillow at her side in invitation.

“Have a seat, eager beaver,” she said, and yanked the bat from his hand as he inched down beside her. Terezi propped it between her thighs with a wink, then pulled it away when Sollux snapped to attention and lunged for it.

“Give it back, Tz,” he hissed, following Terezi back as she laid over Nepeta’s butt. Nepeta pushed up onto her elbows and turned to try and watch them swat at each other. The tip of her tail flicked, but if the solid line of it bothered Terezi, the human girl didn’t let it show.

“Give what back?” Terezi asked.

“You know what.” Sollux pushed his palm into her face, then yanked it back when she licked it.

“I won’t be of any help if I don’t know what you’re looking for, Sollypop!” Laughing, Terezi pushed Sollux back with her foot and fell back. Nepeta’s firm rump supported the dip of her lower back, and let her stretch further away.

“Oh, screw you.” Sollux slapped Terezi’s stomach for the sound effect, and Nepeta gave a start when Terezi groaned as loud as she possibly could. Sollux grunted when Terezi dug her heel into his side.

“I call order in this court,” she said, “and also find Mister Captor guilty of attempted assault. He is charged with making popcorn.” Terezi sat up, rubbing her back with one hand and gesticulating towards the kitchen with the other. “Nepeta, you’re being appointed with picking a movie. Official Netflix Investigator.”

“Oh, human movies,” Nepeta chirped, and her legs bent at the knee to pop her feet into the air. One nearly conked Terezi on the side of the head where it swung, but Terezi flopped down beside Nepeta to guide her to the correct website.

Sollux rolled his eyes, but relaxed as he stood to brush off his shirt. He glanced between Nepeta and Terezi before resigning himself to the fate of Popcorn Chef. Or Microwave Man. Whipping Boy. 

“If I make popcorn, I get to season it,” he said, and gave them each a one-finger salute as he slunk off.

“He has a flair for dramatics,” Terezi said, and smiled when Nepeta laughed.

They settled on marathoning season one of _American Horror Story_ , until Sollux passed out at 3AM and Terezi used Nepeta as a purring pillow. Only Nepeta made it all the way to the end, 4AM licking her dry eyes while Terezi drooled down her back. Humans were kind of gross. She could :33 < appurreciate that.

Before she’d realized that she’d dozed off with the coming of the sun, Nepeta found herself snatching Terezi’s cane away from her horns.

“Quit it,” she hissed, crawling over the offensive item. Terezi’s weight fell like lead on her shoulder blades; both were insignificantly light.

“You are an alien, so I will forgive you for your ignorance, but do you know what time it is?” Terezi stretched her legs out over Nepeta’s shoulders, then pulled her fingers through Nepeta’s hair. Her blunt claws made Nepeta want to go back to sleep.

“Yes,” Nepeta said, after a beat. “It’s coon time.”

“No,” Terezi said, “it’s eight o'clock at night. You have slept the entire day away. Also, I ordered take out, and I had to cocoon you in blankets to ensure that no one would notice you. Sollux left six hours ago. You didn’t even say goodbye.”

“I’m nocturnal, stupid.” Nepeta stretched, cracking her eyes open in defeat. If Terezi had covered her in blankets, she’d had the courtesy to unwrap her. Equius would have approved of Terezi’s manners, if he could ignore her species for ten seconds. “Sollux doesn’t even like me.”

“Sollux doesn’t like anyone. You can attach to his guts like a parasite, and then he’ll tolerate you. Do these horns have sensation?” Terezi listened to Nepeta yawn while she scratched around the beds of her horns, tracing the circuitry carved up the sides. The designed were cut deep into Nepeta’s supposed keratin, or at least deeper than Terezi’s nails could reach; they contrasted with the rippled texture of the rest of the horn, twisted up toward its blunt peak.

“Nope,” Nepeta said, “not unless they break.” She stretched up onto her elbows, then watched Terezi’s legs slip back as she pushed herself up. It was easy, tipping the human down her body. Kind of hilaricute, too. “Did you mention food?”

“The rude alien must first pass a test in order to earn her meal.” Terezi rolled off of Nepeta to stand, then propped her hands on her hips. “Is the interplanetary interloper prepared for the grueling task that her draconic host has crafted?”

Nepeta lit up like a firecracker, grinning while she rolled to sit. She propped herself on the palms of her hands while her tail swished behind her.

“The ‘rude alien’, who is actually a fierce and honorable purredator, can handle any quest that her tiny human companion dares to throw her way.”

“Any quest that your enormous draconic companion dares throw your way.”

“Yeah, that.” Nepeta smiled, then knelt when Terezi offered her hand. Her blood ran warmer than Nepeta’s, and her hands were itty bitty; humans really were small. Terezi would be a more like a lizard than a dragon, but Nepeta wouldn’t make waves in their suspension of disbelief. “What will the great and mighty dragon ask of me?”

“As a brave and noble huntress, you must stalk the elusive Light Orb and return it to my hoard.” Terezi nodded, mouth set in a stern line even as Nepeta held her hand. “According to hearsay, the fathomless pit of the Closet Chasm has swallowed it, plunging the Way of Hall into eternal darkness. If you can retrieve the Light Orb and place it in the Way of Hall to restore light to that part of the great dragon’s territory, you will be rewarded with a banquet and the most personable of reptilian company.”

Nepeta bit down a laugh, but nuzzled the back of Terezi’s fierce, scaly dragon paw as a sign of great respect. She schooled her expression to match Terezi’s gravity, then cleared her throat.

“Yes, of course. Is the mighty dragon going to give this furisky feline a map?”

Terezi’s grin crawled across her face.

“No,” she said, “she will accompany her dangerous agent to the scene of the crime and act as back-up!” Tugging Nepeta’s hand, Terezi prompted her up before pulling her toward the hallway. She had a lightbulb that needed replacing. And an upcoming test to ignore.

The quest for the Light Orb included a heinous battle with a horde of Trah’sh Baghgs (which Nepeta nearly lost her life defeating), two casualties (a dusty Flagon of Lava and the unwise Pauper Towell), and burying the dead in the back of the Closet Chasm. By the time that Nepeta restored the Light Orb to the Way of Hall and banished the monsters that lurked in shadow, Terezi’s phone had screamed “nerd alert” a total of three times.

Of course, that meant Sollux.

“Thank you for your assistance, huntress,” Terezi said, and slapped Nepeta’s butt. In her defense, her butt was at the perfect level for slapping. If Nepeta minded, it didn’t show, because she laughed and took a bow.

“It was my honor, dragoness. Have I earned a feast to end the war in my digestive sac?”

“Yes,” Terezi said, and wandered towards the kitchen. “But only if you’ll eat lo mein and General Tso’s chicken. Otherwise, you will be forced to suffer through the crap show of my cabinets.”

“I think I can handle it,” Nepeta said, and hoped that humans had less toxic food than they did creek water. Then again, she kind of earned that one. She trotted after Terezi, scooping her up when she drew close enough and laughing at her yelp. “To the nutrition block!”

“The _kitchen_ ,” Terezi corrected. Sollux, and whatever he had to say, slipped her mind.

He continued to slip her mind through her late dinner and Nepeta’s breakfast, the tour Terezi gave Nepeta of the apartment, showing Nepeta how to work the shower, slapping Nepeta into an ill-fitting bathrobe while doing her gross laundry, getting a disappointingly blurry eyeful of everything that robe didn’t cover (because who didn’t want to see a naked alien?), and banishing Nepeta to Dave’s room for sleeping quarters. Or, rather, telling her to sleep there when she was ready, because Terezi was beat. Spending the morning and afternoon dealing with Sollux and his disagreeable attitude about a PURRF3CTLY FR13NDLY 4L13N.

Oh. Speaking of Sollux.

Terezi yawned as she fetched her phone, then flopped back on her bed. She could hear Nepeta rustling about in the apartment, likely snooping through Dave’s things. Terezi didn’t blame her; Dave owned some interesting paraphernalia. She suspected that he illegally obtained his own removed tonsils, but investigating the claim was something she planned to save for a particularly boring day. Her phone flickered and screamed at her in its tiring enthusiasm. She checked it.

"tz diid 2he eat you yet?  
or diid you make the mii2take of lettiing her 2educe you?  
ju2t becau2e 2he'2 riipped doe2n't mean ii'm not goiing two thiink you're an iidiiot for falliing for that one.  
and 2econdly, you could at lea2t pau2e haviing iinter2peciie2 relatiion2 two 2end 2ome 2hiit2taiin that you hang out wiith a fuckiing memo two let hiim know that you're not dead." 

Aww, he did care! Terezi stripped off her pants to clamber beneath the covers, then nestled down to tap away at her phone.

"1 4M NOT D34D, THOUGH TH4T WOULD B3 WH4T 4N 3V1L 4L13N WOULD S4Y 1N MY 4BS3NC3  
H3H3H3H3 >:]  
BUT NO, 1 4M F1N3  
N3P3T4 1S GO1NG TO SL33P 1N D4V3S ROOM 4ND 1 4M 4BOUT TO GO TO SL33P, MYS3LF  
1 W1LL PR3P4R3 MYS3LF FOR TH3 T3XTU4L ONSL4UGHT TH4T YOU W1LL UNDOUBT3DLY L34V3 M3, BY TH3 MORN1NG" 

Switching her phone to silent, Terezi plugged it in and tossed it to her nightstand. Nothing pleased her more than sprawling over her bed and wrapping in the covers. Scalemates littered her mattress and her room, and all was where it should have been. It took no time at all to fall asleep.

It felt like even less time before a bang-crack of a crash broke through her death sleep.

A distinctly distressed, “:33 < oh no :XX,” hissed through the walls as Terezi rubbed her eyes, already peeling the blankets off and slithering free.

“Nepeta,” she called, combing her fingers across the wall on habit once she reached the hall. When she opened Dave’s door, she caught Nepeta attempting to heft his bed frame into a semblance of ‘not entirely wrecked’. It was a vain endeavor, all in all.

“I’m sorry!” Once Nepeta noticed her in the doorway, she dropped the mattress. The bed frame cracked and crumbled further. “Sorry,” Nepeta hurried, holding up her hands in a gesture that Terezi found decidedly human. 

“What did you do?” Terezi sighed and stepped in, coming to the side of the bed to crouch and survey the damage. Definitely beyond repair. She propped her hands on her hips and turned to Nepeta, pinning a stare to her face. Nepeta stared back, some of her nerves bleeding out of the stiff line of her shoulders.

“I...broke it?” Nepeta nudged the frame with her foot, for emphasis. Terezi reached for the cane that she didn’t have on hand, then settled for swatting Nepeta’s arm.

“The felon has sass,” she said, smiling despite herself, “but how did she murder the victim? Dave Strider’s bed frame doesn’t spontaneously break when alien huntresses enter the room.”

“Pounced on it.” Nepeta rolled her shoulders and scuffed her bare feet against the carpet. “It’s bouncy, and I was bored.”

“Did you stop to consider that you’re gigantic?” Terezi gestured to Nepeta. All of her. All of Nepeta appeared to shrug, and Terezi shook her head. “As expected. Help me pull the blankets and pillows back to the living room.”

“Sure,” Nepeta said, and chirred as she laid her hands on Terezi’s shoulders. She steered them through the door, unperturbed about the bed; after all, anyone sleeping on such weak material should expect it to break! Okay, maybe she felt a little bad, but Equius wouldn’t have let such a weak frame past his quality check. And she was pretending to hunt, to stay sharp!

Nepeta hummed to herself while she unloaded blankets on the floor, and threw a pillow onto Terezi’s face as her human companion flopped onto the nest.

“Are you sleeping out here?” Nepeta asked, throwing her last blanket onto Terezi, for good measure. Terezi grinned at her as she moved the pillow behind her head, then pulled her plush dragon closer.

“Yes. If you wreck things when you’re lonely, then-”

“I wasn’t lonely,” Nepeta defended. She threw herself down beside Terezi, laying on her stomach and snatching a pillow to stuff beneath her chin. “I was bored.”

Terezi rolled her eyes.

“As I was saying, it is my duty to this apartment and my roommate to keep you from following a path of destruction.” 

“You just want to cuddle with a super buff cutie.” Nepeta smiled, then nudged the side of Terezi’s head with her elbow. Terezi rubbed the side of her head, then reached over to push the side of Nepeta’s face.

“My motives are my own, huntress, and the wise do not pry in the dragon’s hoard.” Terezi rolled to face Nepeta and received a light bat across the top of her head, for her efforts. “Don’t trifle with me, huntress. This is my domain, where I hold the advantage.”

“We can cuddle,” Nepeta said, “if you want.” She rolled to face Terezi, sliding her arm beneath the pillow before nestling into it. “If the mysterious dragoness with hidden motives wants to give this cute kitty a chance.” Nepeta bumped Terezi as she bent her knees, and Terezi braced her feet there while she tapped her chin.

“Luckily for the rowdy huntress, this fiendish reptile is good at talking to her roommate.” Terezi gave Nepeta’s side a pat, then pushed at Nepeta’s knees with her feet. “But if the forgiveness cuddling is to commence, this huntress had better accept being the little spoon.”

Nepeta laughed as she rolled over, giving Terezi her back. Terezi could hardly tuck her soft arm over Nepeta’s side, but Nepeta held in a giggle as she arched into Terezi’s body (and pawssibly pushed her back with the effort, just a little bit).

“You’re still the littler spoon,” she said, and grinned when Terezi kicked her. This was nice. Humans were nice. Nepeta could get used to this.

The evenings came and went in a similar rhythm as Terezi put off calling Dave in favor of developing a nocturnal sleeping schedule and learning more about Nepeta. 

She, as well as her entire race, had been raised by enormous white beasts called ‘lusi’. (That was the night that Sollux reminded her about her test, and Terezi tried and failed to study.) 

Nepeta’s blood was green, and her society had castes divided by color. (She wanted to taste it to see if it tasted like iron, but Nepeta had just laughed and called her a nerdlord.) 

Her moirail was an a giant tool, as well as a giant, in general. (Terezi wondered if Nepeta’s entire species were giant, and had it confirmed over introducing Nepeta to pancakes slathered in Nutella and strawberries.)

On Thursday night, Terezi bit the bullet and texted Dave a picture of his ruined bed, only to receive,  
“holy shit tz  
did you decide to bang a modern day atlas or did you switch out bad dragon for an actual jackhammer???  
also why are you screwing around in my bed  
is this a braggy mindgame where you have enormous orgies with strongmen to assert your dominance as the alpha roommate  
or did you finally bump uglies with captain captor resident dillweed  
i dont know what you think i did to deserve the fate of having to sleep in the shambles and crusty fluids of your vigorous bunny humping  
also speaking of bunnies  
check out this rad selfie that i took  
you cant tell me that i dont belong in playboy  
i am fierce and fine  
oh also you totally owe me for this bed fiasco  
no licking my eye when i am trying to bro out with you for like two months minimum  
it was kind of creepily endearing the first few times it happened  
like youre some kind of quirky gecko girl from another planet and im teaching you how to be an earthling  
but i have had to describe apparently homoerotic eye nightmares to rose one too many times and i am done  
i am so done with that noise,” in response. 

Nepeta giggled over her shoulder about Dave and his Easter Bunny costume, and Terezi settled for texting him “1 M4Y H4V3 FOUND 4 N1C3 G1RL >;]” back.

“That’s your roommate?” Nepeta asked, and tucked Terezi’s back against her chest. They’d been about to turn on a movie, and Terezi had taken the best seat in the house for her own. Nepeta had offered her lap, of course. Terezi had _some_ class.

“Yes. He is a hot mess of neediness and coolkid swag.” Terezi waved her hand as she tossed her phone away, then twisted to sit sideways and lean into the crook of Nepeta’s arm. “Someone has to keep him, though. His brother will probably replace the bedframe, if you’re worried.”

“Oh, I’m not worried,” Nepeta said. She nuzzled Terezi’s ear with her smile, then drew back with a pause. Terezi heard her rattled breathing, which had become soothing within the span of their days together, pause. When she tilted her head toward Nepeta’s, she felt the force of Nepeta’s exhale. Of course, like any good tactician, she waited. “So,” Nepeta coughed, “is a roommate a human equivalent of a matesprit?”

“Is the fearless huntress that afraid of asking the single dragon for interspecies makeouts?” Terezi waggled her eyebrows suggestively at Nepeta, who huffed. 

“No,” she lied, then paused. Nepeta stared at Terezi, and Terezi’s strange pink tongue darting across her lip, and the shift of Terezi’s leg as she straddled her lap, and Terezi’s soft, little hands where they landed on her (admittedly nonexistent) rumblespheres. “But yes, though.”

“Good,” Terezi said, and fisted Nepeta’s shirt to tug her down for what would hopefully evolve into hot tongue action. Really, the development hadn’t surprised Terezi in the slightest. Nepeta had been nothing but affectionate, and Terezi made no secret of her intrigue. And her reciprocation. That also factored in.

Nepeta’s hands bracketed Terezi’s hips when they kissed, soft and slow, and Terezi nipped at Nepeta’s lips while Nepeta pulled her forward. Her hands rubbed along the flat plane of Nepeta’s chest, seeking nipples through the thin cotton and finding none. Still, inaudible vibrations tickled Terezi’s chest where she mashed to Nepeta’s body.

“Educate me,” Terezi said, moving from Nepeta’s mouth to lick the line of her jaw. “Where are you sensitive?” The vibrations in Nepeta’s chest stuttered, then amped up as Terezi found the shell of her ear.

“Like my bulge and nook?” Nepeta squeezed Terezi’s sides tighter when she felt teeth skim down her neck, face warm. “Or not my junk?”

Terezi leaned back, then ground against Nepeta’s lap with a tilt to her head.

“Tell me more. Everything,” she said, eating up Nepeta’s stilted breathing when she ground down, again. She felt the beginnings of a bulge, beneath her. “Tell me all of it.”

Nepeta kissed Terezi again, pliant when Terezi prompted with her tongue. Her large hands skimmed up Terezi’s sides while her hips rolled up, and Terezi grinned before matching her rhythm.

“I dunno,” Nepeta mumbled, breaking away to kiss Terezi’s cheek, “efurrything?”

Terezi flushed with heat at Nepeta’s unexpected sweetness, then again at the underhanded neck sucking that she’d ducked to do. Terezi pulled Nepeta’s hands to her breasts, prompting her palms over the stiff buds of her nipples while she continued to grind against the bulge in Nepeta’s pants. The literal bulge. The humor of the name hadn’t been lost on her.

“Trial and error it is. Touch those more, also.” Terezi pinched her nipples with Nepeta’s hands before carding her own through Nepeta’s hair, holding her close. Nepeta licked and sucked along the line of her tendon, nipping her jaw here and there. Her thumbs rolled over Terezi’s nipples, flicking back and forth between catching them in mild circles. 

She touched Terezi like she didn’t touch Dave’s bed: totally seductively, but mostly gently. At least, Nepeta hoped it was. 

“Hey,” Nepeta mumbled, nuzzling against Terezi’s collarbone, “are we going to pail?”

“Pale?” Terezi cupped the sides of Nepeta’s head, then pushed her back some so they could look at one another. “Like the quadrant?”

“No, no-”

“Because there are a plethora of things I’d like to do with you that aren’t pap-”

“No, no, like reproducing, but not actually.” Nepeta gave Terezi’s boobs a pat, shaking her head.

“Sex?” Terezi asked, relaxing. She smirked at Nepeta’s nerves, then prodded her chest. “Are you papping my tits, Nepeta?”

“No! That was just a thing my paws did.” Nepeta held her hands up between the two of them, frowning. “But sex. Yeah? I guess that’s what I’m asking.”

“Were you asking about mutual stimulation of our genitals?” Terezi took Nepeta’s hands and wiggled in her lap. Another eyebrow waggle was thrown in, for good measure.

“Yeah, that.” Nepeta tossed Terezi an impish smile before bucking up, bouncing Terezi in her lap.

“The wise and horny dragon extends an invitation to the in-heat huntress,” Terezi said, leaning in to brush noses with Nepeta, “to take this back to her roommate’s already ruined bed.”

“The in-heat huntress finds the wise and horny dragon’s plan to be supurr rude, but agrees, since it’s also really funny.”

“Hey,” Terezi said, “I’m just asserting my dominance as the alpha roommate. To the bedroom, huntress.”

At the exact moment that Nepeta laughed and scooped Terezi up to carry her away, one Sollux Captor was having problems. Those problems centered on an eight foot tall troll who had even more muscle than Nepeta.

One Equius Zahhak was also experiencing problems, though of a different degree. One included the tiny, round human currently beating him with a bat. The other, larger problem surrounded his missing moirail, who had galloped away from her duty to prepare for invasion. It was hard, having such a rowdy moirail. It was hard, and Karkat Vantas might have understood, before he and his volatile ex-moirail experienced culling. But that was neither here nor there.

“You will stop,” he commanded, then thought of Nepeta. “Please.” The human did not stop, so Equius thought of his caste and his species before catching the bat in his hand and crunching it as it raised it.

“I fucking knew it,” Sollux hissed, dangling from the end. “I knew Terezi was wrong. Go ahead and kill me, jackass. It’s not like I haven’t been waiting for it since I saw the first one of you.”

“You have seen others of my superior species? Where have you seen them? I com-” Equius paused again, then cleared his throat. “I assertively request that you tell me where you’ve seen them.”

“Yeah, well, I assertively command you to shove this bat up your ass if you’re going to dick around.” Sollux swung from the bat’s end to kick at Equius, who stayed rooted to the spot.

“Oh dear,” he said, swallowing. “You are crass. I strongly suggest that you cease this behoovior, so that I may fetch my moirail and be on my way.” Equius detested these lesser species. They really had no sense of propriety, and would certainly have an influence on Nepeta.

Sollux kicked Equius in the bulge at about the same time that Terezi praised aliens for having such prehensile, slippery dicks.

Really, Bad Dragon may have built them as thick, but nothing could compare to _this_.

“We are getting this inside of me,” Terezi said, gripping the thick base in an effort to restrain it. Nepeta chirped and stuttered, claws gouging Dave’s sheets as Terezi decided to tongue wrestle her bulge into submission.

“Let’s do that,” she panted, bulge sliding past Terezi’s lips into-

Holy troll Jesus, that suction was amazing, Terezi was amazing, efurrything was amazing because Terezi even had little blunt teeth that didn’t even touch her bulge, and Nepeta praised aliens for having such warm, purrfect mouths. The broken bedframe slipped and shifted as Nepeta tensed, covering her face when Terezi’s free hand found her nook. Her short, round fingers practically fell in with how slick Nepeta felt, and Terezi liked how Nepeta bent her knees and curled her toes. Her bulge tasted like purslane, sour and sharp, and left her tongue tingling like mint.

When she popped off of Nepeta’s bulge, Terezi ducked down to lick Nepeta’s nook clean (but mostly to listen to her groan and feel her squirm) before sitting up. Nepeta had her hands on her horns, and her gray skin went dark with flush in a patchy array.

“Hi,” Nepeta said, and the goofy edge of it made Terezi grin.

“Hello,” Terezi said, and clambered over Nepeta’s hips. Her hand fished beneath her, catching Nepeta’s bulge while Nepeta caught her hips to guide her down. Both girls held their breath as Terezi swallowed Nepeta’s bulge, and sat in stillness to look at each other. Nepeta made the bedframe jerk when she sat up to peck Terezi on the lips.

Elsewhere, Sollux rode on Equius’s shoulders.

“I cannot believe,” Equius started, and Sollux pulled his hair to quiet him.

“We have a deal, asshole. You listen to me if you want to get Nepeta.” Sollux slapped his heels against Equius’s chest, chuckling. This was becoming one of his better worst days. “Giddyup. And cut through these trees. If anyone sees you, we’re both fucked.”

Equius trotted faster, though not fast enough to buck his rider or crash recklessly through the trees. If Sollux happened to get slapped by some branches, though, that was his business for insisting on such a high perch. Atop him.

“Hrk.”

“What was that?” Sollux asked, hefting his hair like reins.

“I cannot wait to be rid of you,” Equius grumbled, and turned toward the right as Sollux gave him a guiding bump with his heel.

“The feeling’s mutual. I didn’t even want your stupid girlfriend to show up.”

“Moirail,” Equius corrected, “and while she may be impulsive and ornery, she is not stupid. Take that back.”

“Eat my cock, because I could not care less, dude.” Sollux rolled his eyes. 

“I will not. You will submit,” Equius said, then tripped up on a grunt. “Submit a formal apology. To Nepeta.” Being considerate was difficult, to say the least.

“I might stick something in your mouth, if you’re going to keep yapping. That way.” Another heel bump, and Sollux moved all of Equius’s hair to one hand. He propped his free elbow on Equius’s head, over the broken stump of his horn. “Ew, are you seriously sweating through my pants, right now?”

He was not the only one dealing with an excess of troll fluids.

“I’m sorry-”

“Wow, it is everywhere. Literally everywhere.”

“I said I’m sorry,” Nepeta whined, flopping back against the mattress. Part of it squished beneath her hips, and the rest collapsed. “For that, too.”

“I think some of it is still up in me,” Terezi said, prodding at Nepeta’s retreating bulge where it slid from her body. “I don’t think Dave will believe I had a painting adventure, either. You might have to help me drag this mattress to the curb.”

“I can do that. Was it okay, though? Before this?” Nepeta felt more genetic fluid gush out over her as Terezi lifted the rest of the way off of her bulge. She popped her fingers down to drag through it, then licked them clean. If refractory periods didn’t exist, Nepeta would have popped another bonebulge.

“Do you know what an ocean is?” Terezi asked, then scooped up more.

“Uh, duh?” Nepeta laughed once, one brow raising while she pushed up onto her elbows.

“Are oceans wet?” The question came out messy, like Terezi’s tongue between her fingers and the splash zone aftermath of their sex. Nepeta didn’t know where the hell Terezi was going with this, though.

“Yeah?” Her mouth twisted and pursed, brows furrowing. 

“That is my answer,” Terezi said, “except for all of it. I had a blast.” She leaned down to kiss Nepeta, less tongue and more lip, and leaned into Nepeta’s palm when it cupped her cheek.

Terezi’s phone went off in the living room, right before a long, grinding groan preceded the crack of a door unhinged.

“Nepeta,” Equius called, “where are you?”

“Let me down, idiot, holy fucking shit. You almost bashed my head in on the door frame, when there was an actual door frame to smash into.”

When Nepeta bolted up, Terezi flopped off of her with a yelp.

“Stay,” she said, jumping to her feet as the bed crumpled and Terezi stared after her. Nepeta darted from the room, and Terezi marked the exact moment that she must have found who she was looking for, because cries of “oh fuck,” and “Nepeta” crowded through the hall. Terezi laughed, hearing Sollux’s disgust even as she scratched her thighs.

Nepeta did not have near as much humor.

“Oh my god, Equius, it was only going to be a little vacation!”

“Did you just?” Equius stared, flabberghasted at the obscene state that Nepeta arrived in. He caught Sollux moving out of the corner of his eye, then thrust his finger towards him. “Lowblood, I demand that you stop-”

“Stop it, Sweatquius,” Nepeta hissed. “You’re so embarrassing, ugh.”

“I’m going to go check on Tz, and you’re not going to stop me, asshole.”

“Nepeta, I will deal with you soon, but this human was looking at you-”

“And I don’t care, stop, just stop it!”

“Tz, where are you?”

“The level of irresponsibility that you’ve shown-”

“Don’t care, don’t care, still don’t care!”

“Holy shit, Tz, what is-”

“W1LL 3V3RYON3 SHUT UP FOR T3N S3CONDS?” Terezi coughed at the tail end of her bellowing, arms thrown up into the air. It helped to display the littering of green scales that hardened over her skin. They clustered at her thighs and belly, crawling across her hands and freckling her cheeks. Everyone stared as her teeth inched out, pointing and crowding what began to look like a snout.

“You pailed a human,” Equius said, and grew bluer by the second.

“XOO < im sorry!”


	4. Chapter 4

Contrary to popular belief, space was not an interesting place. Dave might have made a comment about how the party didn’t start until he walked in, if he weren’t parsing through the complete mess that Terezi left him: busted front door, busted bedframe, alien jizz all over the mattress, and a letter with all of the money in her meagre bank account to tide him through the payments she wouldn’t be making on the apartment. Quitting law school to go ‘soul searching’ didn’t mash up well with her attitude, and she knew Latula would worry about her sudden disappearance (her mother would be furious to hear that she’d dropped off the face of the planet, even though she wouldn’t know how literal it ended up being). It was still a better explanation than ‘an alien turned me into a scaly monster that still, disappointingly, can’t breathe fire’. Yet.

But between the need to thoroughly acquaint herself with Nepeta’s bulge and the need to hassle Equius as a form of entertainment, Terezi has found herself between a rock and a hard place. So called ‘genetic material’ makes her scaly like crazy, and won’t be getting her a ticket home anytime soon. Spending time with Nepeta is enjoyable, as is learning about troll technology, but the one person who would appreciate the troll tech more is still on Earth. So is everyone else that Terezi cares about. She’s had the best sex of her short life up here, though (even though Equius and Nepeta still haven’t told her where they plan on going, and all of her questions about Alternia have been rejected or evaded with fluffy, insubstantial answers).

After the slowing shift of multiple sexual encounters, however, Terezi can’t say she dislikes the results. The scales itched for the first few weeks, and her new claws picked them red at the edges. They also chafed the skin they rubbed up against, until that skin scaled over, too. She even has belly scales now, which have been a delight for Nepeta to stroke down when she feels particularly frisky. But this. This is the pinnacle of all of those itchy scales, and achy jaw bones, and bleeding scales.

Terezi curls her toes on the floor of the excessively worded troll shower, and fists her bulge until her whole body shudders. Her clit was wonderful, but Terezi doesn’t have time to miss it. She must devote herself to enjoying this: the spaded head of her bulge, fit with ridges rippling down its sides. It’s slippery like Nepeta’s, but fatter, and feels oddly familiar. Like a toy she left at home.

Terezi’s eyes widened as she took another tentative stroke. A grin lit up her face.

“N3P3T4! 1 H4V3 TH3 SW4MP WYRM FOR 4 D1CK!” 

“A worm?” Nepeta called back, and padded into the block shortly after. She looked Terezi over in the shower, and peeled off her tank top before letting her pants drop to join them. “Like a nook worm?” 

“No, like a Bad Dragon.” The sound of Nepeta’s clothes hitting the cold metal of the floor already had Terezi’s bulge perking back up. She continued to stroke herself, enjoying the bumps and ridges that Nepeta’s sleek alien wing wang lacked.

“The only bad dragon I see is the one using all of our hot water,” Nepeta said, and ducked in to join Terezi. She watched the water lick paths over Terezi’s scales, and followed one from the slope of her neck down between her rumblespheres with a finger.

“The mighty dragon needs something to hoard, and has claimed all of this hot water for her own devices. Obviously.” Terezi traced a claw down the center of Nepeta’s abs, watching for the telltale unsheathing that her mouth watered for. “She’d be willing to share with her mate, if she must.”

“You’re so rude,” Nepeta said, rolling her eyes, but grinned when she swatted Terezi’s hand off of her self-proclaimed ‘Bad Dragon’ bulge. She held it snug in the circle of her hand, testing its slick surface with a couple of firm strokes that made Terezi lean against the wall. “Are you bigger than me?”

“There’s only one way to find out,” Terezi said, arching her eyebrows. She smiled into the kiss that Nepeta dropped on her lips, mindful of her claws while she palmed Nepeta’s nook. Nepeta purred into Terezi’s mouth, thumbing across the flat head of her bulge (so weird, considering her own tapering tip). It squirmed in her hand as she spread her legs wider, inviting Terezi to rub her nook. A hum of approval filled her chest as Terezi slid the heel of her palm up to her sheathe, coaxing her bulge out.

Terezi didn’t resist as Nepeta prompted her closer with a hand in her hair, peppering her mouth with kisses while she wrangled both of their bulges into her wide hand. Nepeta’s wrapped around her own immediately, and Terezi bucked into Nepeta’s hand. Her bulge couldn’t wrestle back with its position, but Terezi didn’t hesitate to reach around and grab Nepeta’s glutes.

“You _are_ bigger,” Nepeta mumbled, and tilted her head when Terezi moved to nuzzle against her neck. Terezi’s nails pulled lines into her skin, sharp and stinging, and Nepeta bumped Terezi back against the wall to retaliate. 

“Excellent,” Terezi said, and fell between a laugh and a moan as Nepeta wormed her fingers between their bulges. Her claws, unlike Terezi’s, took well to clipping and filing (when Equius made her sit down and endure it). 

“The huntress asks the generous dragon if she’d like to pick back up from when the grumpy hoofbeast interrupted.”

“The well-endowed and greedy dragon will always accept the offer to plant her seed in the huntress’s amazing ass.” Terezi perked up, nipping Nepeta’s throat before reaching down to skim the pads of her fingers over both of their bulges. She felt wet. Very, very wet. Wetter than that nookworm had been, definitely. She could do this. “If the huntress wants to be bred, she should present.”

Nepeta bit her lip as she grinned, pulling away from Terezi to sink to the floor. Water dripped into her eyes when she moved onto all fours, ass raised high before Terezi and elbows bent. Behind her, Terezi traced the flushed lines that her nails had left, rubbing her bulge between Nepeta’s glutes until she felt Nepeta squirm.

“The huntress impatiently waits for the mighty dragon to stick it in,” she said, and Terezi lingered longer to rut out of brattiness. Nepeta caught on soon, shaking her head out of her eyes and licking the water streaming across over her mouth. “She begs her dragonyyd stud to fill her up with cubs!” She pressed her ass back against Terezi, who scrambled to grab the base of her bulge and comply.

“The amazing and sexy dragon is going to get you so pregnant,” Terezi breathed, and tried to keep her bulge from slipping around like it belonged in a water park. The third time was the charm, when Terezi grit her teeth and pushed. Nepeta’s body sucked her in past the head, and both women groaned from the sensation.

“Wait,” Nepeta said, tone pinched. Terezi was larger than most of her toys in the best way ever, and the stimulation from being filled so quickly had her reeling. She rested her forehead on her forearms, smiling as Terezi rubbed her sides and pushed her glutes apart as she reached them. When Nepeta settled, she reached back to pat Terezi’s leg with a high hum.

“Ready?” Terezi asked. She hoped so. She really, really hoped so.

“Yeah,” Nepeta said, and trailed off into another hum when Terezi eased back. A clipped whine fell from her when Terezi pushed in again, and Nepeta met her next thrust with leaning hips. “More, please.” Equius would have been proud of her manners, if he could simultaneously ignore where she chose to apply them. 

“Good kitty,” Terezi said, though her snickering strained and broke off in the middle. She thrust into Nepeta with all of the vigor that she could muster, gripping Nepeta’s hips and humping at a hard pace. She drank in the slap of wet skin, and hunched forward to reach for Nepeta’s bulge. Lasting long would be impossible, but Terezi refused to leave Nepeta hanging. That included Nepeta’s bulge. Terezi caught it close to the base, thinking forward when it came to how much that damn thing wiggled.

The way Nepeta moaned, hot and sharp and unexpected, threw Terezi into a shuddering orgasm.

“Fuck,” she hissed, bulge throbbing as she frantically fucked forward. Terezi ground her hips to Nepeta’s and furiously pumped her bulge, praising whatever sexy space gods that there might be when Nepeta shuddered beneath her. The splash of her genetic material was unmistakable, and Nepeta reached back to cover Terezi’s hand and coast through the rest of her orgasm. The water beat hot on their bodies while they panted, quiet until Terezi slipped out of Nepeta’s wastechute. Nepeta’s sigh sounded downright salacious, and the flex of her glutes against Terezi’s hips felt like a ‘:33 < wait, come back! :cc’

Terezi patted Nepeta’s thigh, hoping it came across as ‘4S SOON 4S MY BON3R COM3S B4CK, 1 PROMIS3’.

“That was awesome,” Nepeta mumbled, pushing up on her hands and popping her back as she went. “Let’s do that more.”

“I agree,” Terezi said, flopping back to sit on the floor. She didn’t have any ejaculate to speak of, but the water ran olive from Nepeta’s (and her vagina felt like a Slip’N Slide, but that would be easily cared for). “Want me to wash your back, while I’m down here?”

Nepeta twisted to kiss her and smiled, bumping their noses together.

“That’d be pawfully sweet of you.”

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed this, morbidArtemis! And if you're wondering, Earth definitely gets conquered while Equius and Nepeta keep Terezi as a weird, dragony refugee. Whoops.


End file.
